


Just let me go

by CptnMatthewCrawley



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:42:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22295008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CptnMatthewCrawley/pseuds/CptnMatthewCrawley
Summary: Robert opens up about his time in prison and his ongoing mental health issues since being released.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Robert lay on his and Aaron's bed exhausted he had been home less than a day and already he was settled back into life or so he thought he knew he needed to talk about what he had gone through inside but he didn't want to upset Aaron who he knew still suffered after his own time spent in prison for beating up quasim who had been cheating on their late friend Finn at that time.**

**Aaron heard Robert sigh as he opened their bedroom door carrying a tray "I know you aren't hungry but you need to eat something." He said and Robert nodded sitting up slowly letting the duvet pool at his waist.**

**Aaron put the tray over his lap and sat down beside him taking his hand in his own and watching Robert forcing down the toast he'd brought him.**

**"Babe I know it wasn't easy for you in there you don't need to hide from me Rob I'm your husband and I love you." Aaron said.**

**"It really wasn't I'm sorry I've been so distant since I was released it got bad in there Aaron I was struggling badly I broke down twice I haven't long been off medication for it I tried to take my own life in there it got so bad I'm so sorry." Robert replied tears building in his purple almost black from tiredness eyes and a couple leaked down his cheeks.**

**" Oh babe it's okay you're home now you're safe I'm here I've got you it's okay it's okay." Aaron whispered softly moving the tray onto the floor and wrapping his arms around Robert as the man he loved broke down completely sobbing into his chest Aaron ran his hands through Robert's hair trying to comfort him.**


	2. What did I do,?.

**Robert fell asleep again once he'd eaten the toast drunk the juice and been for a piss he still found it strange that he didn't need to seek permission to empty his bladder like he did when he was inside he was exhausted and sleep came easily so did the nightmares though and he woke crying great heaving sobs shaking his skinny frame sweating and shaking Aaron wrapped his arms around Robert and held him tightly rubbing his back soothingly and Robert was soon asleep again when he next woke sunlight was streaming into the room and Aaron was gone from beside him.**

**Robert smiled as he heard Aaron singing softly along to the radio their bedroom door was open and his voice drifted up from downstairs.**

**Robert got slowly out of bed and headed into the bathroom to take a leak as his bladder emptied Robert thought back to how many times he'd struggled to do something so simple when he first came home he'd made Aaron stand outside the door afraid someone would attack him it had got better but he still worried about it sometimes especially in the pub.**

**Washing his hands at the sink Robert looked up into the mirror his pale drawn face staring back at him years of pain shining in his eyes some of which Aaron knew about but some of it Robert had only told his counselor about in their weekly sessions**

**Robert was drying his hands when he heard Aaron's feet on the stairs and he smiled when Aaron appeared in the doorway to their ensuite.**

**"Morning how you feeling this morning?." Aaron asked and Robert shrugged "alright I guess did I wake you last night I remember being sick but I don't know why?." He asked and Aaron sighed.**

**"You had a nightmare and threw up afterwards I got you back off to sleep though but you look exhausted still fancy some toast?." He asked and Robert nodded toast sounded good right then and they headed downstairs Robert wrapped up in his dressing gown and slippers.**


	3. Come here

Robert was quiet for most of the day he lay on the sofa watching TV and barely said a word he hardly noticed Liv come home or Chas when she called round with food for them all.

"Oh Rob it's okay." She said suddenly and Aaron glanced over and was startled to see Robert lying on the sofa with tears streaming down his face

Chas by this point was crouched in front of him and had wrapped him up into her arms giving him the sort of hug only a mother could give.

"I'll get him a drink of water." Aaron said and went and got a glass of cold water from the jug in the fridge, Aaron handed the glass to Chas and stood close by so he was ready to help if Robert needed him.

Chas looked up at Aaron and he nodded "be right back." He said and ran upstairs going to the airing cupboard he got down his weighted blanket knowing it would help Robert.

Carrying it downstairs he went into the living room and unfolded the heavy material and laid it over Robert's legs the effect was almost immediate and Robert began to relax and sunk into the sofa his eyes drifting closed.

"That's it that's the way you get some sleep love we will be here when you wake up alright." Chas said as she laid Robert back down onto the sofa and covered him with the blanket taking Aaron's hand they left Robert to sleep and stepped into the adjoining kitchen.

"Poor love he looks like he hasn't been sleeping is that true?." Chas asked and Aaron nodded "He's had nightmares Mum bad ones he wakes up screaming and shouting and sometimes he even throws up or wets the bed I know he's struggling but he won't talk about it at least not like he wants to I can see the pain in his eyes Mum he's been through hell and I don't know what to do to help him for the best." he said and Chas sighed "Does he see anyone?," she asked just then there was the sound of shouting and Aaron dashed back into the living room Robert was thrashing around on the sofa his legs becoming more tangled the harder he struggled against the blankets covering him.

"Rob Rob come on wake up it's OK I'm here I'm here shh just breathe please baby open your eyes." Aaron said crouching down and laying a hand onto Robert trying to wake him without shaking him and scaring the older man more than he was in the dream.

"Mum can you grab the blue bowl from under the sink I think he's gonna puke?." Aaron asked and Chas nodded and dashed to grab it Robert was at least awake when she returned and Aaron was stroking his cheek.

"Bowl is right here if you feel sick." Chas said sitting down beside Aaron on the coffee table and holding the bowl on her knees ready should Robert begin to heave.

suddenly the colour drained out of Robert's face and he leaned over the edge of the sofa his stomach clenching and Chas reacted on instinct and placed the bowl beneath his mouth Robert vomited several times nothing much came up and by the fourth heave he was reduced to spitting and dry heaves ripped through his shaking body tears mingled with the sweat on his cheeks and Aaron sighed.

"Shhh it's OK baby just breathe no don't be sorry it's alright." He soothed rubbing Roberts back in soothing circles.

"Hurts Aaron my stomach it hurts." Robert whimpered and Aaron nodded he remembered Robert telling him how he'd been kicked in the stomach a few times by the gang who attacked him in prison.


	4. Talk To Me.

Two days later,

Robert was at home Aaron was at work when Liv came home pale as a ghost and shivering Robert took one look at her pale drawn face and sent her upstairs promising to come up with a hot drink once she had her PJ's on and was snuggled down in bed.

Robert pulled out his phone and called Aaron to let him know Liv had come home sick from school as he boiled the kettle Robert heard the sound of retching coming from the bathroom and leaving the kettle to boil darted up the stairs and stopped seeing Liv slumped in the bathroom her head resting on the toilet one arm folded at the elbow to support it as she breathed before her stomach lurched and she puked again.

"It's OK I'm here it's OK just breathe Liv I've got you just breathe." Robert said dropping to his knees behind Liv and starting to rub her back like any devoted father would do because thats how he saw Liv she was his daughter in his eyes anyway and for all her gobby ways she was still a little girl and sometimes little girls needed their dads.

Aaron came home from work to find Liv asleep on Robert on the sofa dressed in her PJ's and dressing gown she was paler than he had ever seen her, "She feeling any better?." he asked and Robert shook his head "She's been sick four times in the last hour her temperature is up." Robert explained and Aaron nodded he was worried Liv rarely got ill she seemed invincible to anything.

Robert put his hand onto Liv's forehead and sighed feeling the heat radiating off her twelve year old frame and looked at Aaron who nodded and went to get Liv a cool cloth to try to try and bring her temperature down.

Liv slept in late the next day Robert had phoned her in sick to school when she wandered downstairs wrapped up in a blanket over her PJ's Robert looked up from his laptop and sighed "hey baby girl how you feeling today?." He asked.

"I'm okay bit shaky but I don't feel sick like I did I do have a headache though." She admitted 

Robert nodded "you're likely dehydrated you were very poorly last night ." He said and Liv nodded "I'm sorry." She whispered softly.

"hey no apology needed its what I am here for to take care of you." Robert said and Liv nodded and hugged him she hated having made Robert worried about her it was the last thing he needed.

Robert was tired but he wasn't going to fuss he could wait Liv on the other hand was the important one and took priority.

"What's wrong Rob?." Liv asked seeing how pale and exhausted Robert looked.

" Nothing I'm fine." Robert replied around a jaw cracking yawn.

"There is something you can talk to me remember that I do care about you just like Aaron does.* Liv replied and Robert sighed there was no escape from libs persistence was there she just knew it and she was determined to help him feel better.


End file.
